Hi, I'm 4 months old

Hi, My Name is Juliet and I am 4 Months Old!

Juliet is becoming such a little person, no longer a newborn!  She reaches for things with her hands, burries her head down into my chest when she is hungry (she knows where the food is:), beams from ear to ear when she sees Isaac after a day away at school, fusses when we put her to bed because she wants to be "social",  spits by blowing through her lips and talks to us with coos, shrieks and giggles all day long.  It's soooooo fun!  I used to think I didn't like this age so much.  I'd said before that I wished we could jump from the newborn stage straight to 14 months.  What was I thinking!!??  Who would want to skip this?  (unless you have a colicky baby, of course;)

 Is she sweet or is it just me??!!

ooooo I just want to eat her!!  throw her in a soup!  

As a side note I said that randomly the other day and Isaac laughed his little head off.  We've taken to calling her Joop Soup now.  He squeezes her little hand, puts his face suffocatingly close to hers and say, "I wanna put you in a soup!!"

On the downside I'm finally feeling the effects of having two children vs three.  I no longer have the "I just had a baby excuse" and Juliet doesn't sleep all day anymore.  Needless to say, I'm not getting much done.  Some days I just throw my hands up and say....oh well.  The house will just have to stay messy, or that project unfinished or there will be no side dishes at dinner that night.  And somedays I just plop down and watch a movie.  Most days I can live with that.  But somedays I want control over my life again.  I've been working out early in the mornings and late at night, getting out of the house without any children and that has been crucial for me.  I hate getting all mushy or "braggy" in a public sphere where my husband is concerned but since this blog has become more and more just for our little family I feel comfortable saying how grateful I am for Joey.  Some days I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!!  Joey is so hands on and helpful with the kids.  He truly understands the plight of stay-at-home mothers.  (it's not always a plight but lets be honest....sometimes, IT IS!!)  He doesn't ask if I need a break or how I'm doing, he just walks in the door and takes the baby.  He knows me well enough to know that I hate to put people out, including him so if I say, "no, I'm fine, I can hold her" (and most of the time I really am fine) he doesn't let me "be tough".  He just takes her.  He makes time to be home with the kids so that I can get out every once in a while.  He calls before coming home from work to see if I need something from the store.  He does all the laundry and if I'm in a bad, snippy mood he lets it roll off his back (he understands bad moods;)  Overall I'm most appreciative of, in awe of and even surprised at his ability to understand me so well...without any words from me.  He respects what I do and more than that, the frustration that comes with what I don't do.  And that understanding goes miles and miles for me.  Marriage is no cake walk, it can be so hard sometimes!!  But just like everything that has its opposite, it can be so blissfully fulfilling as well.  It really does seem to get better, richer, and deeper with its age.  Was that mushy enough;)  That's  for you Isaac, Georgie and Juliet to read one day when we're dead and gone..."Dad really was so good to Mom!!"...he deserves that credit!  I love you Joey!!  oh!?!, was this supposed to be all about Juliet?:)  Well, I guess where one is concerned all of us are!!  I love YOU Juliet!

xoxo

A Typical Sunday/Saturday Morning

Joey and I were talking in bed this morning and I commented how much I loved the background noise.  We were chatting, at 7am, to the sound of the kids playing in their room together.  ANd this is the background noise of all our weekend mornings, something I miss hearing every morning since Isaac went to school.  When left undisturbed, they always wake up with a vivid imagination together.  I love it so much that I decided to post about it!  I wish I had a live post from my mother, telling me what we were doing on a typical weekend morning, complete with a picture...

...(I wish it was a cuter one...and yes, I know my curtains don't match...I'm working on it;)  This is, hands down, the greatest thing about blogging!  Back to my story, by about 7:15 on weekend mornings, the kids have unloaded every stuffed animal, princess barbie and star wars toy onto their bed and are playing anything from Star Wars, to animal families.  Almost always, their method of play is Isaac narrating what he's doing, "and then Luke gets out of the ship and rescues you,"  Georgie listens for her cue, for Isaac to tell her what to do and say next, and then she does it, word for word.  When it comes to creative play, Isaac almost always runs the show.  By about 7:45, she ditches him to find me, but he almost always follows, begging her to come back.  If I'm in bed, she climbes in and I try to convince her to snuggle.  That lasts for about 2 seconds because she's hungry.  "Mommy, can you make me some brefast?"  I reluctantly climb out of bed or Joey runs in from the computer or the guitar, where he spends his Saturday mornings, and gets it for them.  A typical breakfast in the Merback household is Yogurt and Grape-nuts, or oatmeal or toast.  There's usually some fighting going on at breakfast..."she has more than me" or "she always gets that placemat" or "mommy, I said for you to get me some orange juice."  But, if we're lucky, the mood is pretty peaceful.  Its nice to wake up to!  Maybe I should try and recall those joyful moments later in the day when it takes all I can muster not to send them to weekend school;)

Motherhood: A Journal Entry

I recently read this quote from Joan Didian and found it very fitting to explain why I feel this urge to write randomly deep journal entries. Don't read them. They'll only make you think I'm wierd. But there's something more cathartic about putting them out there where they can be read....as if it gives me acceptance, agreement, or understanding of some kind. So I do it because it feels good. Joad Didian says: “I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” Here's what I have to say about that:

I've been meditating motherhood lately. I've been having these intense moments of love for and pride in my children that I wish I had the words to capture...or perhaps a photo. But, alas, I have none. For some reason, lately, I feel as if these days are fleeting and I want to savor them. I watched Isaac and Georgie play so creatively and tenderly with eachother for over 3 hours at a restaurant this weekend, without complaint of time or location. I've watched Isaacs confidence blossom as he tastes success in a school environment, amongst peers and teachers. My heart melts at Georgies sparkling grin that strikes across her face, the way she sings my name, "mommeeeeee" and runs to me with a tight, around the neck hug after each prolonged absence we experience from each other (especially night time). I used to spend many days, wishing for brakes, a babysitter, a job, to take me away for a while but now, finally!!, I feel ready to relish in every mommy moment that I can. I want to be better, more devoted, more intelligent in the way that I parent. But it seems as if there isn't time enough. Life just keeps coming at me...dinners to be cooked, a body to keep fit and healthy, meetings to attend, cleaning to be done, yard work to do, phone calls to make and emails to send. But even as I write this I see that all of this is part of "the parenting process". All these things can be used as tools to teach them. All of my day I spend either working or interacting with people. And I guess that's what can be so intimidating. I teach by being who I am. They watch and they see. By bettering myself, I better my children. But, no pressure or anything;) I am so deeply grateful for this experience, for this season of my life. Why do I waste time wishing it away? Why do I become impatient with Isaac and Georgies process of "becoming"? There is joy in every step. I look forward to seeing there great lives unfold...full of joy that will release them and pain that will teach and shape them. But I'll take this moment (as I have done many times before;) to invigorate my resolve to live now so that I don't look back and wish I had better savored this time...better enjoyed being a witness to Isaac and Georgies journey. And that's my current meditation. Gosh it feels good to write it out! Thanks, Joan, for that recommendation!

Happy New Years Resolutions!

Happy New Year to you ALL!!  I absolutely cannot believe that it is 2009.  Aren't we supposed to be flying hovercrafts and landing on Mars by now.  Man our progress has really slowed below the predictions!  But we do have some crazy music playing devices and the Iphone. That's pretty cool!  

No, but, seriously, I would like to display my New Years resolution for all my friends and family to see.  Maybe this will make me a little less likely to completely forget it by February.  I seriously have no idea what my resolution was for last year.  So this year I decided that I want to be more goal oriented and in turn, teach my children to be more goal oriented as well...and this will require me to be more organized.  Here's how I plan to tackle my resolution: 

I printed off a little goal sheet to glue over the monthly picture page of my 2009 calendar.   I put a picture of each member of the family across the top of the page.  I then put three goal categories along the side of the page.  The categories are, first, Overall Goal, for example mine for this month is to not lose my temper even once the entire month.  (I'm thinking if I take this one day at a time I might be able to accomplish this!)  The second goal is, Chore of the Month.  This category is really for the kids.  I will have the kids pick one chore that they would like to learn how to do.  They will work the entire month at becoming as independent as possible at that chore.  Some may even take two months.  Isaac's chore this month is putting the groceries away into the refrigerator/freezer and Georgie's is unloading the silverware from the dishwasher.  The third category is to to pick one or two projects that we would like to complete this month.  For example, I would like to complete our 2008 family photo album and make Georgie some new hairbows this month.  The kids will each pick a couple of crafts that they would like to do that month.   

So thats the layout.  Hold me to this guys!  Ask me if I'm still doing my monthly calendar goals sometime!  I'll let you know how its going.  Thanks to all of you for your friendship, comments and your great blogs!

Love, 

Ashley

War and Peace

I just finished watching (no, not reading) Tolstoys' War and Peace.  My interest is peaked...I think I want to read it!  If you have a few hours to spare one weekend I would recommend the movie. There are some great quotes to pick up in there and I would imagine even more in the novel.  Here are two of my favorites.  These really spoke to me, at least enough for me to stop the movie, pausing and rewinding until I was able to get them down.

"The most difficult thing-but an essential one-is to love life, to love it even while one suffers, because Life is all, Life is God and to love Life means to Love God."

"I want to discover.  I want to discover why I know what is right and still do what is wrong.  I want to discover what happiness is.  I want to discover what value there is in suffering.  I want to discover why men go to war, and what real men say when they pray to God.  I want to discover what men and women feel when they say they love."

LOOK WHAT WE DID!

LOOK WHAT WE DID!

I feel compelled to mark this day in history for our online family journal!  Barack Obama is elected the President of the United States of America and he just so happens to be African-American, the first African-American to be elected as President. 

 

What were WE doing?  The kids were snug asleep in their beds and Joey and I were glued to the computer.  We toyed with going to bed so many times but just wanted to hear them "call" the result.  We ended up staying up until 12pm watching both speakers and talking about the results.  We concluded that there would be a lot of little Barack namesakes running around the playgrounds of America for the next few decades;)  I like to think that even those that didn't vote for Barack Obama could appreciate the extraordinary event that just took place.  The speech given by Obama, the pride, joy and tears on the faces of crowds across the nation should be enough to make most McCain supporters immune to disapointment over a "lost election".   Let's just hope he can be the kind of President that our country needs right now!   I never really thought about him being African American  throughout the campaign.  I never considered that history would be made in a magnificent way if he was elected.  It was always about who was really the best choice for our Country right now.  And I think it was that way for everyone that I know.   And then last night, it really hit me, how momentous and monumental this election really is.   I'm so glad to be alive to see this!  Can you imagine how an elderly African-American must feel right now?  One that perhaps experienced the civil rights movement first hand?  REDEMPTION!  

And the "next day news" all over the world shows our allies and even foes (Iran) as excited and hopeful for Americas choice.  And that, my friends, is the #1 reason why I voted for Barack Obama.  He seems (I say seems b/c the media makes it impossible to see ANYTHING for what it really is) thoughtful, even tempered, confident, reasonable and diplomatic.  I think he can really mend fences broken over the last 8 years.  He thinks globally instead of small and single mindedly.  OOOOOH;)  I hope he can DO IT!  

Anyway, I just wanted to type up some of my thoughts for Gigi and Isaac to look back to tens of years from now!  I hope that hindsight affirms the pride and hope that I feel for our country right now!  

ADDENDUM:  Okay, so I'm getting a little flack for this post from some family members...aaargh!  I guess my meaning is unclear.  The pride and hope that I feel is for the steps we have made in overcoming prejudices....and that's it.  I'm not saying I'm so proud that we elected Obama b/c he is so perfect.   I don't agree with some of his policies.  I'm not even 100% familiar with what all of his policies are...I voted on him mainly for the reasons stated above...and a little bit because I want the war in Iraq to be over.  I had to pick the best choice from the options that I was given.  In another era, McCain would have been the better choice.  But for right here, right now, I felt that Obama was the best leader for our country.  I hope I haven't offended anyone!  It seems obvious to me that wether we like Obama or not, this day was legendary because it is a HUGE step for our country in overcoming our prejudices.  I just wanted to document that aspect of the election...Thanks for listening!

Once Again

Once again, I've lost my camera. Today I just decided "to heck with it, I'm not going to find it so I'd better just write what we've been up to in words:

Tonight is our ward Halloween party which I am in charge of. Isaac is going as Batman and Georgie as a pink poodle. Isaac says tonight he is going to be Luke Skywalker in Black but on "real Halloween night" he will be Batman. I'm sure glad he has a wild imagination so that he's not making my buy him two costumes. Georgie's costume is just an idea I copied out of Family Fun Magazine. I made it once (it requires no sewing and is made out of pink bath puffs) the way the magazine tells you to and when I did a trial run, she had it all ripped apart in about 10 minutes...That's my Georgie. That's what I get for leaving her alone with it. With her track record I should have known better. So I made it again in a more secure fashion...hopefully this time it will stay put at least for one evening.

Two weekends ago we went to Papa and Gagas house. Bryant was in town for one final farewell before he takes off for Singapore. I had a picture story of the entire weekend on my camera but...as I said, it's lost. We carved pumpkins, made sugar cookies, talked, laughed, ate and played at my parents duck pond. It was really fun. Bryant, Dad, Joey and I stayed up late talking one night and then my Mom stayed up with us the next. We had some good talks. We saw Grandma Nina, Horace and Jamie alot too. We also got a visit from Aunt Reta and Aunt Kathy. Aunt Reta brought Isaac and Georgie quite a few toys. She always does!

The following week Isaac had the week off of school so I tried to spend a lot of time just being with them. We went to the duck pond, went for bike rides, went to the park, had friends over to play, watched movies together, read lots of books etc. The kids are at a great age. Most days I really enjoy them!

I wish could video tape Georgie's every minute. She is just so darn funny...her mannerisms, sassiness, curiosity, mothering nature, and even her complete and total defiance of my every command just make me want to laugh. I wish I could stick her in a jar and preserve her just as she is. And Isaac is just growing up so fast. Sometimes I feel like he's just my friend...not my baby or little boy! He has grown into such a big helper. He shares so well with his friends, LOVES school, has a great imagination and is quite the little artist. He loves riding his Spiderman bike, dancing to the Spiderman song, dressing up in his Batman Costume (he wears it every day...but lets his friends wear it when they come over), making his 5 baskets, Star Wars, reading books etc. Oh and I can't forget how much they LOVE watching movies...much to our dismay! Star Wars and Superheroes are ALL the rage at our house right now. Georgie even plays "lightsavers" with him. I downloaded the Michael Buble version of Spiderman a while ago and Joey must have been displeased because I soon found a Ramones version of Spiderman on the Ipod. I turned on the Michael Buble version and Isaac said..."Mom, that ones for Wussies." Wonder where he heard that?

Well, I need to go begin the costuming process for tonight. I've got a few more things I need to get together at the church before hand as well!

Renewed Determination

This weekend was general conference.  I still have the Saturday morning session to catch up on but we are thoroughly enjoying renewed determination to be a little better in all that we do.   I fasted last week in preparation for this conference, putting that age old wisdom to the test:  Come prepared to conference with a question having fasted and prayed and you will find peace.  I did that.  I'll go ahead and reveal that I've been struggling with feeling the spirit lately and have spent a lot of time wondering just where God was in his love for me individually.  I wanted to know what I could do to better meet God half-way so that I could feel Him.  

I did get some peace and did feel there were things that I could be doing better to allow my Heavenly Father to reveal Himself to me.  I love Elder Bednars talk about prayer and expressing gratitude for what we are blessed with, in my case, when he does reveal himself to me though it may seem very small.  I have spent the last three nights giving prayers of only gratitude and I do feel that has been a blessing to me already.  I also am trying to give more meaningful morning prayer, sighting a specific goal for the day.

Tonight in Family Home Evening I was assigned the lesson and this was our theme.  I showed the kids a picture of Elder Bednar and explained a little bit about his talk.  Everyone chose something to work on and we promised to pray for guidance in this each morning and report to our Father in Heaven each night.  The kids colored a picture of them doing this goal.  Here are our goals:

Daddy:  Speak with more patience and a kinder tone to the kids.  And to come home from work in a good mood.  

Mommy:  Speak in a more patient and kind tone, being slower to anger.  Savor the moments of having my young children, showing more love to them always. 

Isaac:  Be nice to everyone, always.  (his exact words)  Make 5 basketball goals each day.

Georgie:  Be nice to everyone, always.  (she idolized her big brother!)

I love conference!  Who doesn't need an occasional weekend of self-help skills spoken from the pulpit by extremely wise men!!  I dare say...no one;)