I'm feeling contemplative today and would love to get down some of our thoughts and feelings from our first few days with Juliet.
All Is Right With The World:
I don't remember it being instantaneous that the peaceful, serene feelings came to me. Rather gradually happiness seemed to envelope me and the words, "all is right with the world" came to my mind to describe how it felt. I kept repeating them to myself and trying to relish in the perfectness that they described. All was right with the world. That is exactly how a new baby feels to me. Any hard feelings that I'd held deep within the recesses of my brain seemed forgiven. I loved everyone and everything. My baby was with me and she was OURS. It is an almost cleansing experience. It wasn't that I didn't feel any sadness at all because I did. But it was sadness born of love. Though I had wanted a girl I still mourned, slightly, that my baby boy days were over. I mourned for myself and I mourned for Isaac. My heart sat slightly on pins and needles as I listened to Joey telling the kids that we'd had a girl. Isaac had always said he didn't care what we had but I'd wondered if this was a defense mechanism. Not one bit. He was ecstatic to meet her, never making one comment about "boys" or regret. He loved our baby for exactly who she was. I think that will continue.
As the afternoon progressed and they kept her away from us for tests, a bath, measurements and screenings I began getting antsy to hold her again. When we finally got our time with her I couldn't nestle close enough. I had forgotten how soft a baby is, how sweet they smell and how much I would want Juliets tiny little face to bury itself into my neck and breath her shallow, warm breath. My heart is a defenseless little puddle held by the chubbiness of her cheeks, the poutiness of her lips, the blackness of her eyes and the flatness of her ears smooshed so delicately against the sides of her head. To kiss her is to soar. I can't get off this high that she brings. It is GLORIOUS!! Dare I say I want to do this 10X more? Have I forgotten, already, what it is to be pregnant? ...Some great love that makes you forget that!! But we have a little piece of heaven in our home. And that is a great love.
Her Name:
The name Juliet struck me one day about 4 or 5 months ago and while we vascillated and continued to look for others up until her birth day, it seemed to stick. I had wanted to use the middle name, Nannette because it would have been more after my Mother since she goes by Nann but Juliet doesn't go with that very well so we settled on Nina. Nina is my Mom's first name, my grandma's first name and the middle name of my favorite cousin, Jillian. Juliet is a fourth generation Nina. I've decided that for giggles we'll have to get pictures taken of the four of them at JC Penney or Olan Mills the next time we're in Houston;) Wouldn't that be hilarious!! It seemed strange to call her Juliet at first, probably because we'd never called the baby anything when it was still in the womb...we hadn't had time to get used to it. Plus, its three syllables and a bit sophisticated...to call something squirmy, and squishy that squeaks by a name that Shakespeare wrote with seems a bit strange. But its settling on her nicely. I shorten it to Jet sometimes and she's been called Jules by a few as well. I like them both for nicknames.
Thoughts on "waiting":
Joey and I decided that if we ever had a third child we would wait to find out the sex because, conveniently, we have all the necessaries for a boy or a girl. We proceeded with that decision when I became pregnant with Juliet. I am so glad to have done it that way but wanted to point out the one downfall of that decision. I didn't feel as connected to the baby while I was carrying her. I couldn't really imagine her, her name, her interactions with our family, how she would dress, the things we might do together etc. because She was an It. My imaginations of It were more vague, less reliable, and honestly much fewer than I remember with the other two. But the excitement leading up to the birth, the curiosity, the discussions/guesses and, of course, the delivery made up for it. I was concerned a bit by my lack of connection but about two days before she was actually born, it came. I became MUCH less concerned with "un-pregnanting" myself and obsessed with anticipation of having a Baby again...my baby! My Mom cut the chord and when Juliet was placed on my chest my heart yearned for my second little girl, instantly. Once again, heaven entered into the picture. It was as if heaven came out of my womb;) (how's that for melo-dramatic!!) I wanted to kiss and squeeze her but refrained from disscusting the nursing staff by putting my lips all over her adorable cheesy, bloody, grey/blue body. I let them wipe her down a bit and began planting the kisses on her head and cheeks. All my MOm, Joey and I could do was smile, laugh, kiss her and make observations about her looks. None of us could stop smiling.
The kids came for a visit:
The thing I noticed the most when the kids walked in was that the peace was with them too. They had sincere, calm, pleasant smiles. Not over excited, obnoxious ones. They too wanted to be quiet, hold her, look at her, reflect. Especially Isaac. "Don't you just love her, Isaac? Do you feel that in your heart?" He said yes and I could tell he meant it. They brought her some gifts, a "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" jumper to be brought home in and a soft pink pig that makes oinking sounds when you squeeze its sides. They wanted their pictures taken with her and kept their soft smiles all the while. They didn't want to leave us and kept asking when we were coming home. They were going to miss us, they said. Isaac called us the next day about noon-ish and said, "When are you coming home? You said you'd be home after lunch and we ate lunch like 5 minutes ago!!" So cute! We got home around 1:30pm. He saw us drive up and must have been waiting at the window. Georgie "checks" on Juliet constantly. Every morning since we've been home she comes to my bed as soon as she wakes up to "check" on her and lay down with her. So sweet.
Joey said to me the other night as she slept on his chest, "I just love her, I'm so glad we had her. I'm smitten." And that about sums up how we all feel. Thank heaven for little girls;) Thank heaven for Juliet!
